When Life hands you lemons

I kno the old saying goes "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" well i dont like lemonade.
lately it seems as tho all i get is lemons
im still in love with my ex but when i tell him tht i cant be just his booty call he just stops talkin to me all together which sucks. bc now i dont want to go out and look for another guy i want him. but now it seems as tho i wont get him
i think karama is gettin me back times 1million.. in november when i broke up with my ex of 3yrs i broke up with him bc i wanted to live a crazy life style i still loved him but stupid me broke up with him. i wanted to go out partyin all the time and i loved the attention from all the other guys.
well now here it is july and it seems as tho things were goin to work out between me and my ex but i wanted to be more than the late night booty call for him.
he wanted to go out with his friends and now talk to a million different girls but not to me. basically the night be4 we quit talkin he pretty much begged me to still be in his life but then he went out for his birthday and tht was it.
well come to find out end of july im pregnant. not tellin to many people now bc ive had 4miscarriages in my life.
i call to tell him but we wont answer the phone when i text him all i got back was a text he meant to send to someone else and tht was it. finally the other day he text me to see how far along i was tht was it nothing after i text back.
the first time i ever got pregnant was when i was 17 by him i went into premature labor and lost the baby. he wasnt there for me he was out at a club when it all happend. and it seems as tho thts how this is goin to happen hes not goin to be around or have ne thing to do with me
the thing tht bothers me most is if he doesnt want me in his life then say tht but instead he tells me tht he will always love but tht im actin crazy. i guess i am considerin the past. and i say history repeats itself.
i just dont kno what to do